Always

Music has always touched me deeply. It helps me cope, pray, worship...I could go on and on.

I usually listen to a song over and over again for a period of time. As it relates to where I am, I make it my prayer or find comfort in the words. For the past week or so I have been listening to "Always" by Building429 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6LTfueFPpM

The lyrics to the Chorus and the bridge go like this:

"I believe always, always our Savior never fails.

Even when all hope is gone, God knows our pain and His promise remains,

He will be with you ALWAYS.

Friend I don't know where you are, and I don't know where you've been

Maybe your fighting for your life, just about to throw the towel in.

But if you're crying our for mercy, if there's no hope left at all,

If you've given everything you've got and you're still about to fall,

Hold on, Hold on, Hold on

Because I believe always, always our Savior never fails.

Even when all faith is gone, God knows our pain and His promise remains ALWAYS."

The chorus to this song brings me great comfort. I am tired and I am weary. I am afraid. This is "the week" I have been anticipating and fearing. I don't want history to repeat itself, but I don't get to make that call. I know that no matter what happens, HE will be with us ALWAYS.

Here is our latest ultrasound pic from last week, baby's heart rate was between 155-160.

A weight lifted off our shoulders

Blake and I had our first ultrasound on Monday. We were both so anxious all day...time seemed to be passing so slowly. When we finally headed to see our doctor we were both pretty quiet in the car. Our past experiences with ultrasounds haven't been the joyous moments one might anticipate, and the anxiety of going through that again was hitting me. Blake is such a rock for me, he was positive the whole time. I often wish I had his optimism.

Our doctor performed the ultrasound himself and I held my breath as he went searching for the baby. Within moments, there he or she was! I could have stared at the screen for hours...

We were so excited to see a steady heartbeat and that the baby is measuring right on.

While he or she does not look quite human yet :) we think he/she is pretty cute and it was an amazing experience.

The doctor told us that he was extremely pleased with everything that he saw and would put our risk of loss at this point at 1-2%. While from a medical perspective our doctor can say that, I know that God's plans dont always align with statistics. He gives and takes away and so we try very hard to be thankful for each day. 7 weeks down, 33 to go!

Strawberry Cake

Yesterday we had a few friends over to celebrate Ryan Holden's birthday. While he specifically asked me to make chocolate truffles for dessert, it wouldn't have been a birthday celebration without a cake! My mom and I had gone out for lunch and she suggested trying a strawberry cake, so I did...

It was DELICIOUS and a fun summer dessert to make!

I thought I would share the recipe:

Ingredients:

1 box white cake mix

1 (6 oz) box of instant strawberry jello

1 (16 oz) package of frozen strawberries, thawed and pureed

4 eggs

1/2 c vegetable oil

1/4 c water

Ingredients for Strawberry Cream Cheese Frosting:

1/4 c butter, softened

1 (8 oz) package of cream cheese, softened

1/4 c pureed strawberries

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

2 c powdered sugar

Fresh strawberries for garnish

Preheat oven to 350. Lightly grease two round cake pans.

In a large bowl, combine cake mix and 3 oz of jello mix. Add pureed strawberries, eggs, oil, and water. Beat at medium speed until smooth. Pour into prepared pans and bake for 20 minutes. Cool in pan 10 minutes, then remove and cool completely on a wire rack.

FROSTING:

Beat butter and cream cheese until creamy. Beat in 1/4 c pureed strawberries and vanilla extract. Gradually add powdered sugar and beat until smooth.

Spread frosting between layers and on top and sides of cake (frosting will be thin.) Garnish with fresh strawberries. Refridgerate.

And the journey begins again...

I have wanted blog for quite some time now, as a means of updating friends and family, but also for self-reflection...I find writing to be so therapeutic! Now is as good a time as any to begin this thing, so here we go!

After arriving home from our Florida vacation last week, Blake and I were so excited to find out that we are expecting again! We are 5 weeks pregnant today and will have our first OB appointment and ultrasound on July 13. I can't wait to see the baby and his or her tiny heart pumping. When you see your child on the ultrasound screen, you can't help but have your breath taken away in amazement. I would be lying if I said that I don't have any fears, but when those thoughts creep up, I just tell myself, "Everything is going to be ok, we will bring our baby home!" I realize now, more than ever that I have so little control over what is happening inside me. Basically, I'm just along for the ride. Blake and I cherish every day that we have during this pregnancy b/c 40 weeks aren't promised. Each passing moment is a miracle and coming to that understanding has made me grow as a person. I am so thankful for the nausea, tiredness, and trips to the bathroom in the middle of the night. (Blake thinks its pretty funny when I exclaim, "I feel like I'm going to puke, this is awesome!")

God has been so faithful to Blake and I. Our relationship has grown as we have walked through the valley together this year. I think that is why I have such a peace about this pregnancy...I know that no matter what happens, God will provide and Blake and I will survive. We are so much stronger as a couple and individuals today than we were a year ago. Romans 5:3-4 says "but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

So now we hope and wait and pray for a healthy bundle of joy due March 2, 2010!